How to support a coworker with cancer

When a colleague receives a cancer diagnosis, it can impact the entire workplace. It's natural to feel unsure about what to say to someone with cancer or how to best support them. This guide aims to help you navigate this challenging situation with empathy and practical support.

Recognizing the impact of cancer

Cancer affects individuals differently, both physically and emotionally.¹ It's crucial to accept that every person’s experience with cancer is unique. Some people may continue working throughout their treatment, while others might require extended leave. This variability can significantly influence team dynamics and overall workplace morale.

What do cancer patients need most? While there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer, generally cancer patients need understanding, support, and a sense of normalcy. For many, maintaining a connection to their professional life provides a sense of purpose during their treatment journey.² However, it’s important to acknowledge that treatment side effects, frequent medical appointments, and emotional stress can make working challenging.

Remember to respect boundaries. Sometimes, your coworker won’t really want to socialize. If this is the case with someone you know, don’t stop trying to connect with them, even if they keep turning you down. Rather, let them know that you respect their needs and allow them the freedom to say no. 

Meaningful words: what to say when someone is diagnosed with cancer

Knowing what to say when someone is diagnosed with cancer can be challenging. Here are some tips on what cancer patients want to hear:

1. Reach out: It’s okay to admit that you're unsure of what to say, but it’s important to show you care. You might say, “I just heard about your diagnosis. I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care and I’m here if you need anything.”²
2. Be real: Sure, stay positive, but also give your coworker a safe space to express their dark thoughts. They may not always want to hear that everything will be okay; rather, let them speak honestly about their fears while assuring them you're there to listen. You might say, ”It’s okay to not be okay. I’m here to listen if you ever want to talk about how you’re really feeling.”
3. Ask questions: Regularly check in with your coworker to see if they feel like talking or spending time alone, and then offer your support based on however they’re doing that day. Try asking open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling today?” or “What can I do to support you this week?”
4. Avoid platitudes: Cliche phrases like “everything happens for a reason”³ or “stay positive’ can sometimes feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and offer specific help.

Thoughtful actions: what to do for a coworker with cancer

Supporting a colleague with cancer goes beyond words. Here are some tangible ways to help:

1. Wheel over meals: Food is always a great way to help. Next time you’re at the grocery store, why not pick up some easy-to-heat meals or ready-to-eat snacks? You can drop them off at your coworker’s place on your way home. If you’re feeling ambitious, you could even rally the team to set up a meal train. Just remember to check if there are any dietary restrictions from the treatment – the last thing you want is to bring something they can’t eat!
2. Help with housework: Housework can be a real challenge during treatment, so offering a hand can be a huge relief. If you’re close, you could leave a laundry basket at their door with a friendly note saying, “Load me up!” If that feels too personal, why not chat with your colleagues about chipping in for a cleaning service?
3. Grab your keys: Transportation is another area where you can make a real difference. If your coworker is having trouble getting around, offer to be their chauffeur to treatment appointments. You could even extend this to help with everyday tasks like school runs or picking up prescriptions.
4. Send a card: Never underestimate the power of a thoughtful card. In this age of digital everything, a physical card can really brighten someone’s day. Why stop at one? Keep sending them throughout their treatment – it’s a great way to show you’re thinking of them, especially as time goes on and others might forget.
5. Give a gift: If your coworker lives far away, how about putting together a care package? You could include cozy items like soft socks or a warm blanket, some fun distractions like activity books, and comforting treats like nice lotions or their favorite snacks.
6. Maintain normalcy: At work, try to keep things as normal as possible. Include your coworker in the usual chats and activities, but be understanding if they need to bow out sometimes. Energy levels can fluctuate during treatment, so follow their lead.

Post-treatment support

It’s crucial to understand that support should continue even after treatment concludes. Many individuals with cancer suppress their emotions during treatment to cope with the challenges they face. Once treatment ends, your coworker may not feel immediately celebratory. By offering a listening ear, you provide an opportunity for them to express their feelings openly.

Cancer survivors often experience a complex mix of emotions post-treatment. While there may be relief, it’s frequently accompanied by fear of recurrence and uncertainty about the future. Your ongoing support and understanding during this transitional period can be immensely valuable to your coworker.

Self-care for supporters

While supporting a coworker with cancer is admirable, it can also be emotionally demanding. It’s essential to prioritize your own well-being throughout this process. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to seek support. Your company’s Employee Assistance Program or other available resources can provide valuable assistance.

Remember that it’s perfectly natural to experience your own emotional reactions to your coworker’s diagnosis. You might find yourself grappling with sadness, fear, or even guilt. Acknowledging these feelings and seeking support when needed is crucial. By maintaining your own emotional health, you’ll be better equipped to provide meaningful support to your colleague.

Conclusion

Understanding how to effectively support a coworker with cancer can have a significant positive impact on their journey. Thoughtful communication is key, whether through meaningful words, practical assistance, or ongoing emotional support. By consistently offering these forms of support, you contribute to creating a compassionate and understanding work environment.